and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
