so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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