Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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