what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
