I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
