I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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