you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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