I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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