This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
