before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
