It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
