Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
