I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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