She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
