Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
