Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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