I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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