I must be too annoying 4 u.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
