Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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