Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize