Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
