Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
