hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
