My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
