she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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