who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
