girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
