Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im six kinds of drunk right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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