Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
