When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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