Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
