Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
