Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
