Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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