idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
