drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
