So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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