She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
