He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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