kristin has been a bad kristin
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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