Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
