I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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