just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize