I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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