captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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