I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
