i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
