Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
