i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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