He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
