Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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