i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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