I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
