Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
