I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
cat food counts as protein by the way
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i've created a new STD.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
