So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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