Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
