I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
