someone threw a dead crab at me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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