you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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