Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
