I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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