I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
