Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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