so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
