Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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