need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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