Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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