my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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