Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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