you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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