I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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