please come you make the beer taste better
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
