there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize