Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
