I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
