uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
