I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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