Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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