he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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