And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
