every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
