The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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