Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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