I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
