I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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