It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
