Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I could fuck to npr.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
