I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
