You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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