This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
