he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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