we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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