i think my tv is drunk
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
