Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
